


Sometimes things are f**ked up

by Razerface



Category: Lost in Space (TV 2018)
Genre: Artistic freedom, F/F, Femslash, Hurt/Comfort, I want to make your mind explode, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Penny finds love, Penny is an angel protect her, Penny is kinda depressed, Pennys story isnt funny but the rest of this fic is funny crack shit, Sibling-Friendship, Still though Kind of dramedy, bit of a crack fic, crack-fic, mostly IC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22150381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razerface/pseuds/Razerface
Summary: This fanfic takes place after 2x04 episode. In this fanfic the Robinsons and most of the other future colonists of Alpha Centauri are away from the rock-planet and back on the Resolute. The alien-engine was already found, but the crew can’t start it right now, and they have to think what they could do about it. Everyone seemes to be in a happy mood about being back and also safe in the Resolute, but something seems to be wrong with Penny Robinson. And her sister noticed it.
Relationships: Penny Robinson/OC, Penny Robinson/Original Female Character
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Sometimes things are f**ked up

On the Resolute it was 7 P.M. A few colonists were in the cafeteria eating, a few others went about their work, such as Maureen and John Robinson, the parents of Will, Penny and Judy. They tried to help the staff of the Resolute with fixing the B-deck, which was still defect and had to be built up again, while Don West and Will were eating in the cafeteria. 

Judy was in her room on her family’s Jupiter, reading a book. She felt like she needed some time to relax and think about everything what has been happening. On the first planet the family crashed, she nearly died in ice. On the second one, she always had the fear to suffocate in air, mainly consisting of some kind of fuel. 

It was a hard time for her. Since the day she went to space, just bad things had happened. But she tried to stay strong. _It is going to be better, _she always said to herself. And it was actually true. The Robinsons went away from the toxic water planet and back to the Resolute. Even if they still didn’t know how to start the alien-engine, this was a big progress.  
_ _

Since her adoptive father went away from the family for a long time, Judy felt like it was her job to take care of her family alongside her adoptive mum. Even when her adoptive father returned, she still felt like it was her job. She helped her younger siblings with the homework, cooked food for everyone and helped her mother cleaning the whole house when they were at the earth. 

So she also cared about how her siblings were up here very much. And so she noticed since a few days that something was wrong with her younger sister, Penny. 

She didn’t leave her room very often at the time, only if she had to do it, to eat, go to class or go to the toilet for example. And that was far from normal for her. Judy thought about that right at the moment, probably the twentieth time at that day, and that‘s the reason she finally put her book down and forced herself to stand up.

She went around the aisles of her Jupiter, on the way to her little sister to talk to her, and ask her what was wrong. After only a few metres she reached her little sisters room, were she did find Penny kind of sadly laying on the bed. Judy went trough the slightly opened door, and she carefully and slowly went to her sister. 

At first, Penny didn't really look depressed or very sad in Judy‘s eyes, no. For the older woman it looked more like the light, that usually enlightened her younger sister’s soul was flickering a little when Penny looked at the ceiling. She seemed to think about something that worried her.

Judy didn’t want to scare her younger sister with coming in her room without telling her, so she started to speak. 

"Hey Penny. Are...you okay?“ Judy didn't know how her sister would react to her when she was standing in the middle of her room without asking and just watching her, but she was also worried about Penny, so she didn't know what else to do than trying to speak to her.

Penny's face quickly turned to her sister, but she wasn't angry or anything that her sister was just coming into her room without asking. She looked back on the ceiling, and sighed silently. She only brought out a not very believable „Yes, I‘m fine".

Penny probably thought that her sister wouldn’t ask more if she said that she was okay, but Judy was Judy, and she knew when something was wrong with her sister, and she also knew when her sister was lying to her. 

That’s why Judy didn’t give up, and went a few steps nearer to Penny, while she continued to speak. „Penny. You didn’t leave your room for like one week for something else than to eat or go to the toilet or anything.“ Judy‘s voice became more soft and concerned, what made Penny only feel worse than she already did. _„Please. _Tell me what the problem is. I‘m here for you and you _know _that.“ as soon as Judy finished her sentence, Penny sat up in her bed and looked at the wall at the opposite side of her. She looked like her sister’s words made her feel better and worse at the same time. The younger woman didn’t know what she could say, so she just answered with. „I don’t know.“, what didn’t make sense in connection with Judy‘s request.  
_ _ __

Judy slowly sat down on her younger sister’s bed, looking in her face. „Penny? What is it?“ 

If Judy would have only had a clue what she would have to expect, she would have longly told her parents from it and tried to help Penny with all her power. But she didn‘t. Judy at first thought, that Penny was just worried about something, and that she wasn’t depressed or very sad at all, but well, sometimes things are coming unexpected. Especially for the Robinson family.

It slowly seemed like Penny tried to hold her feelings, and so also her tears back, but could Judy be sure that she was right? The older woman tried to ask her sister one more time, by laying one hand on Penny’s shoulder, trying to make her feel more comfortable. To be able to be sure that Judy just wants her to feel better made Penny finally look in Judy’s face, but she quickly turned away and looked on the ground. The older woman knew she was on the right way to make her sister talk to her. 

„Penny...if anything is wrong, what I suppose to be, then I want to remind you that you can tell me that. And...you can take yourself as much time for that as you want to.“ Then there was this feeling in Penny, what she has everytime she talks to her mother. The feeling that she can trust her her, and that she can tell her everyhing. Her feelings, her worries, the things that make her happy and the things that make her sad.

Several tears ran down Penny‘s face as she tried with all her power to tell her sister the reason for her retreat in her room for over a week. It was visibly very hard for her to even get one word out, but she didn’t give up. 

Penny was very depressed actually, even if it didn’t look like it at first, but sometimes you have to take a closer look at someone to notice their real mood. Otherwise they will always look at you trough a sheet of glass until they are so much isolated that you can‘t near yourself to them anymore.

Judy hugged Penny softly without saying anything. She knew that silent acceptance for her sisters sadness, whatever the reason for it was, would be the best thing to do at the moment. Penny leaned in the hug, starting to sob, and then burt into tears. That was enough to make Judy gradually loose patience. She really wanted to know what was wrong with her beloved sister. 

Judy wanted to try it again with words, but then finally, it was Penny speaking. She stuttered because of her sobbing and crying, but she finnaly spoke. „I-I don’t know how - to tell you, I-I j-just don’t know.“ She told her sister crying, looking strictly on the ground. Judy felt the pain in Penny’s eyes, like it was her own one. Like something hurt her in her heart when she looked at the nearly collapsing Penny. „You can tell me, Penny. You _know _that.  
_ _

A voilent thunderstorm raged in Penny’s head. Should she tell her sister? Should she remain silent? Well, her sister wouldn’t let go until she knew what the problem was which had kept Penny in her room for over a week, and Penny knew that she can _really _trust her sister. She kept it slow in revealing the truth, but she finally did it.  
_ _

„Y-You -„ Penny still interrupted herself with sobbing. „-won‘t tell mom oder dad o-or anyone else?“ Judy answered as quick as if Penny had asked a totally unnecessary question. „Of course not. What is it?“ Judy answered with a very soft voice as she ended the hug and looked in her sisters face. Penny looked to the ground, her tears still rolling uncontrollably from her cheeks to the ground. But her older sister took her face in both of her hands and softly made her look at her. „It’s okay, Penny.“ Judy whispered, also nearly crying now, even if she didn’t know what the problem was. It was very hard for her to look at her sister when she were in this condition. 

Penny bursted in tears again, when she rolled up her sleeves slowly, just to reveal several cuts on the inner side on each of her two forearms, which she had made with a razor blade she had stolen from her father. Some cuts were deeper than others, and some bleeded a little bit, while other ones didn’t.

Everytime Penny did this to herself, it was like a relief. From stress, depression, and sadness. A way to make her feal happy.

Judy felt her stomach drop as she saw the cuts and realized what her sister had done to herself. Now it was Judy who didn't know what to say. "Penny, II-what's that?!" The older woman almost screamed in despair, but she quickly calmed down when Penny's face showed a relief that someone had finally knows of her sad secret. Judy also calmed down a little bit, and finally started breathing normally again. She tried to think. _What should I do now?? _Well, she didn’t know. How should she have known? It had taken her completely by surprise.  
_ _

„Okay“ Judy suddently spoke. „I will get my first-aid kid and take care of your wounds. Stay here.“ The odler woman wanted to go get the first-aid kit, but she also didn’t want leave the still crying Penny alone. So Judy sat down on her sister’s bed again, and tried to cheer her up. 

„Penny. It is bad, but we can‘t change it. I will take care of them, and it’s going to be okay.“ Judy tried to reassure Penny, what seemed to work. „And then we will talk about it, if you want to.“ Penny nodded, while tears were still running down her cheek. „Okay.“ Penny whispered with shaking voice.

When Judy came back from her room with the first-aid kit, she found Penny laying in her bed with the blanket pulled up to her arms, her sleeves rolled down, probably to avoid making her parents - or anyone esle - find out about it. When Penny saw her sister coming back in her room, she slowly sat up.

Judy put the first-aid kit on the bed and opened it. She pulled out a bandage, disinfectant and a cloth. She carefully rolled up Penny’s sleeves again, and picked up the disinfectant with her right hand. „This will burn a bit, but it helps.“ That was nothing Penny heard for the first time, and it also wasn’t the first time she felt the bacteries getting burned away from her wounds with pain. Penny winced a bit, but she clenched her teeth and tried her best to stay still.

Judy carefully dabbed the blood from the wounds with the cloth. She made it _very _careful. After finishing that, she then wrapped the bandage around her left arm, and she put out a second one of her kit and wrapped it around her sister’s right arm. Then the older woman carefully rolled the sleeves of her sister’s pullover back down.  
_ _

„So... Do you...wanna talk about it?“ Judy asked with a calm voice. Penny laid down in her bed again. She looked at her sister, as if she asked her if she would like to lay down too. Judy slowly laid down next to her sister, and Penny began to talk. She had already calmed down a bit, so that she didn’t cry anymore, even if she was still sobbing.

„I - I don’t know why I did t-this. I j-just... h-hate m-myself.“ Penny stuttered sobbing. „I’m sorry“ the younger woman sobbed, kind of apologising to her older sister. „It’s okay. And you don’t have to be sorry.“ Judy said supportive, wiping her sister’s tears away. 

„Look. You are my sister, and I _love _you. You don’t worth less than anyone else of us do. You are very important for me, and for the family. And I strongly believe that there are so many other people you mean something to. And...please don’t do that again. You _really _don’t deserve that.“ Judy spoke calmly, while Penny looked on the ceiling, and Judy looked at her younger sister, both being a bit more calmed than before.  
_ _ __

Penny thought very much about her sister’s words. Penny knew that she meant something to her family. She thought about how stupid she must have been to think she would have deserved what she did to herself. But she wasn’t sure if she could stop it, because she wasn’t sure if the things would get better, or not. 

If her parents found out that she cut herself, they would get very, very concerned, and also mad, Penny thought. And so, now she was totally afraid for them to find it out. So it blurted out of her.

„Please don’t tell mom or dad.“

Judy thought a second before she gave an answer. „We have to tell them one time.“ She stated.

„But they will be concerned and mad, and-“ Judy interrupted her. „They won’t be mad, Penny. Probably concerned, but I mean: That’s how parents are. They would be very bad parents if they wouldn’t be concerned about you hurting yourself, wouldn’t they?“

„Okay.“ Penny was about to start crying again, but Judy noticed it. „Hey. Hey. Don’t cry. It’s okay.“ She whiped her sister’s tears away again, and hugged her from her lying position. After laying there like that for a bit, it was Penny who asked a question.

„Can we talk about something else, please?“ 

„Yeah, about what?“ Judy asked back. 

„Well, I don’t know, I just don’t want to talk about it anymore.“ Judy didn’t answer, because she didn’t know what to say, and after a bit of hesitation, Penny began to tell her sister another secret of hers. 

„W-Well, there is...this person and-“ Judy immediately smiled knowingly. „I see, and who is it?“ Judy did grin but Penny was quite nervous about telling her sister about her crush, but she continued. 

„Please stop laughing.“ She then said, and Judy did as she was told.

„Sorry. I didn’t want to make you more uncomfortable than you already are. I was just kind of excited about it. Tell me more.“

„Okay, so...m-my crush...is very interesting, but I didn’t really had the opportunity to talk to...“ she hesitated a few seconds before speaking it out. „To talk to _her _right now.“  
_ _

Judy realized that her sister just told her to have a crush on a girl, but she didn’t freaking care about who Penny likes. Boys, girls, it was fine, and Judy would be happy for her anyways. „Okay. And now why are you making such a big thing out of it?“ Penny turned her head to look at her sister as if she had asked a totally stupid question. „It’s not very easy?!“ Penny said confused. It was a big thing for Penny, and when she did finally enthrust it to Judy, all she said was _Why do you make such a big thing out of it?“ _  
_ _

That insulted Penny a bit, snd she turned her face away from her sister.

„I‘m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, I just don’t get why you are kind of embarrassed. I mean, I don’t care if you like boys or girls or whatever. If you’re happy, then I, and the rest of the family, are happy, too. We just want the best for you.“ Judy explained apologetically. Then she thought about the last sentence she just said, and came back to the topic they had talked about before, and she decided to add something. „And so“, Judy began. „I still would like to know why you did that.“ 

„I already told you.“ 

„It doesn’t make much sense to me.“

„Well, it doesn’t have to.“ 

„Do you feel lonely very much?“ Judy tried to help her sister to tell the „real“ reason for Penny’s self-harm, because she didn’t really believe that her younger sister did it because of self-hate. Well, they talked for a few minutes, and to Judy it really seemed to be self-hate. That wasn’t good. Her little sister always seemed like such a happy person, her personality shining full of zest for action, and happiness. But not when Judy saw her sister lying huddled in her bed. Judy hated this sight of her sister. _Think, Judy, think god damn! _  
_ _

Penny continued to remain silent, what made Judy speak. „What is it?“ Her voice was soft, and lovingly.

Penny didn’t know what to say. Not at the moment. Just not right now. To make that clear to her sister, she answered. „Can we talk about that sometime different, please.“ 

„Yeah.“

Judy decided to stay a bit in her sister’s room. She asked, if it was okay to hug her, and Penny agreed. They did lay there for a while, and for the first time for a long period of time, Penny had the hope that things will get better

_To be continued._

  


**Author's Note:**

> More chapters will follow.
> 
> Hey :) I‘m fifteen years old and german, so please excuse my grammar mistakes in english. 
> 
> I really like Lost in Space, and this just came to my mind so that I wrote it down.


End file.
